Top 5 Songs For Your Week

Happy Birthday to Jamie Koven, the only man ever inducted in to the Brown University Hall of Fame during Freshman Orientation.


5.) Sheila E. - The Glamourous Life


I want to go to The Standard Hotel with a boombox and hold it over my head like Cusack while it plays this song for all the wannabe fameballs. Though Kim Kardashian just re-upped for three years and $44M for Keeping Up With The Kardashians so maybe they're on the right track.

$44M! Making oil baron money for being backed up? Kim said, "I want this money to be in my family for generations."

That makes sense if you've ever seen the Kardashian Family Crest. It's a blue cross on a white field, dividing the crest in to four quadrants. In the quadrants are:
- $
- Two Armenian black bears filming a sex tape
- A lion who is also a double murderer walking free after a trial
- A spelling test with an 'F' on it. Because 'country' was spelled with a 'k.'

It's an incredibly prescient family crest.

/Kardashians are pre-cogs

4.) R. Kelly - Love Letter





Since posting Real Househusbands of Philadelphia to YouTube, we've gotten an overwhelmingly positive response. However, one gentleman took issue with a picture of Memorial Hall in Philadelphia which I labeled the 'Museum of the Goatee'. The gentleman is from the Please Touch Museum in Philly, which is a museum for kids. The Please Touch is not labeled in our video, it is not mentioned or referenced. We do not use their signage. And clearly we are not targeting our video toward their clientele, children.

The Please Touch Museum is a great museum which is poorly run. The Philadelphia Inquirer recently did an exposee on how the museum has overloaded itself with debt and has far too many "executives" drawing high salaries compared to museums of similar size and theme. Essentially, the museum has too many guys with big titles who think they can use it as a cash cow. One of those guys complained about the use of Memorial Hall, a 135 year old building which the PTM does not own.

The entire exchange is listed below. I tried to be nice:

From: "Joe XXXXX" <jXXXXXX@pleasetouchmuseum.org>
Date: April 13, 2011 5:21:26 PM GMT-04:00
To: <BirdText@gmail.com>
Subject: please take please touch museum off of your video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXnXylmQEx4&feature=youtu.be
Hi

If you could please take the outside shot of Please Touch Museum, the children’s museum of Philadelphia, (at approximately the :46 second mark) from your video, we would greatly appreciate it. 

Please get back with me to let me know this is taken care of, and thank you in advance.


Joe Costello
Vice President External Relations & Business Development
Please Touch Museum® at Memorial Hall, Fairmount Park
4231 Avenue of the Republic
Philadelphia, PA 19131
215-581-3169 (direct)
267-231-5896 (cell)
jcostello@pleasetouchmuseum.org

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hi Joe-

 I'm Luke. Nice to meet you. Your email was referred to me by Jen Parker.

  I understand that we used a photo of Memorial Hall in our video.  However, there is no mention of the museum by name and the video is not at all targeted toward your audience, children.

 May I ask why the need to remove the photo if it makes no mention of your facility or the Please Touch Museum and certainly doesn't disparage your wonderful Museum? Each member of our group attended your Museum at its previous location when we were kids. There is no signage of the PTM in the picture. And there is zero chance of people thinking the PTM is in any way affiliated with our work.

 It's a joke. One which we feel does not come at the cost of the Please Touch Museum.

 All the Best,
Luke

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hi Luke

I appreciate your response and the fact that you all visited the museum as children!  But the jist of this is any third party usage of the museum's image must be approved of by the museum and certainly not used for jokes, parodies, skits, etc. without our permission.

You mention that there is zero chance that anyone would associate us with your video.  There is always the chance and whether the general public make that association or not, Please Touch Museum does not wish to be associated with the video.  We do request that you remove the museum from the video by close of business tomorrow (Thurs. April 14 at 5 pm) .

Thank you again Luke for your timely response.

Joe Costello
VP External Relations
Please Touch Museum

________________________________

From: Luke Cunningham [mailto:lukexcunningham@gmail.com]
Sent: Wed 4/13/2011 6:11 PM
To: Joe Costello
Subject: YouTube Video

> Joe-
>
> I understand why you would want to be associated with our admittedly hilarious video but we opted to never mention your institution. We are honored you took time out of your work day to watch it, especially considering the recent story in the Philadelphia Inquirer that PTM cannot meet its debt obligations and is one of the nation's museums cited for exorbitant administrative costs.
>
> It's a photo of a public building which has stood for 135 years, part of which your institution occupies. The sketch makes no mention of the Please Touch Museum.

>
> Joe, we have no intention of taking it down and are sorry you feel this way.
>
> Feel free to have your lawyer contact me. We've already vetted the video with YouTube and are covered on that end.
>

> In short, spend more time selling subscriptions to your overextended museum and less being a humorless bully.  "Please Touch" my balls.

>Byyyeeeeee,

>Luke

3.) Neil Young - Long May You Run



Neil Young played this on Conan's final episode of The Tonight Show.

I read Bill Carter's War For Late Night this week. I was making my way through the book while also preparing a submission for Kimmel and another for Letterman. Either would be a dream job and pay me an absurd amount of money to write jokes. Like, "Buy a house within a year" money.

Comedy is the strangest career. It's risk after risk and years of making nothing while on an apprenticeship which may never amount to a job. But if you hit, it's Kardashian money and suddenly all those risks seem like responsible choices on a clear path to success.

/Still the irresponsible Cunningham brother.
//Will spend any Kimmel salary on scratch tickets, Chipotle and fireworks.


2.) Weezer - Beverly Hills



Brazzers . com has a company soccer team which plays at the field near the Santa Monica Airport every Sunday morning. Austen and I saw them while eating at the Spitfire Grill next to the field.  In related news, I will eat Sunday brunch at Spitfire Grill near the Santa Monica Airport from now 'til  eternity.


1.) Jeremih & 50 Cent - Down On Me



If you don't like this song WE AIN'T FRIENDS NO MORE!
- Aziz Ansari